Five Blessings for Five Blunders: A Reflection on the First Five Years of Pastoral Ministry
Photo by MART PRODUCTION
I first heard my call to pastoral ministry in my early high school years, back when my voice was cracking, my face was breaking out, and my braces had not yet come off. In those younger days, having had a profound encounter with the Lord Jesus just a couple of years before, I thought there could be nothing better than being a pastor (and, blessedly, most days, I still think that).
I remember being asked to preach for the first time by my pastor, who (bravely) trusted a 16-year-old with the sermon for the first Sunday in Advent. I mounted the pulpit with my Bible, manuscript, and shaky hands. I was sweating, but the people in the pews who had loved me to faith in Jesus were graciously present and attentive. While I preached, I felt a peace that surpassed my understanding in a way that could only come from the Lord. And with that, my journey toward pastoral ministry moved forward at full throttle.
Fast forward nearly a decade later, and I was finishing up my formal theological education at Duke Divinity School. I had completed all of my coursework and had received a phone call from my district superintendent notifying me that the bishop intended to appoint me to serve a church in my home district, and it was all starting to sink in. I’ve made it, I thought. I’m going to be a pastor.
It’s been five years since I began my full-time pastoral ministry. I’ve learned more than I could have imagined over these past years and have had my fair share of highlights. However, while I’m often inclined to present solely the positives of life and ministry, I’ve realized how liberating it can be to identify my own shortcomings and reflect on God’s faithfulness in and through them. So to commemorate my first five years of pastoring, here’s a list of five of my blunders that ultimately point to God’s blessings.
1. Overestimating Myself
Fresh out of seminary and just 25 years old, I knew I didn’t know it all, but (to my embarrassment now) I thought I almost did—a classic blunder if ever there was one. Don’t get me wrong. I had a thorough theological education and knew many things. I could talk at length about the Council of Nicea, the New Perspective on Paul, and varying interpretations of Wesley’s Aldersgate experience. I loved preaching and teaching. I had some strengths in working with people and communicating well. But I was limited by my own sense of what I could or could not do at best, and prideful in overestimating my abilities at worst. I thought, even without saying it, that this life of ministry was ultimately about me, or at least about my skill set.
This is, perhaps, the most consequential blunder, because I had unwittingly believed I could minister out of my own strength. I have repeated this blunder multiple times. And yet, God’s word reminds me that I need not be so myopic, but can and should reframe this blunder into a blessing.
If I were to send a message to myself five years ago, it would go something like this: You are beloved of God, but this life of ministry is not about you. It’s not just another arena for you to feel important, valued, or special. It’s about the Gospel. It’s about God’s kingdom. Remember the words of Jesus, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent and believe in the good news” (Mark 1:15).
2. Underestimating the Power of God
Though I have been a committed Christian since early adolescence and have had palpable experiences of God’s grace and immanence, there have been times in my early ministry when I was so narrowly focused on my own abilities (or feeling the lack thereof) that I unintentionally underestimated the power of God. God is not merely an idea or some disinterested deity far away. God is active, and God is actually doing things. The health of the church I serve depends not on a slick plan for growth, better programming, or riveting sermons. Those things are all fine, but devoid of the presence and power of God, they mean nothing.
If I were to give a message of blessing to myself five years ago, it might sound like this: Stop what you are doing and pray. The phone call can wait. That one extra email isn’t urgent. You will never feel like you’ve done enough. So pray, and relish the fact that the God of all that is, was, and will be is able to “accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine” by the power that works in us (Eph. 3:20).
3. Failing to Lead Well
Early on in my ministerial formation, I received a piece of advice that was so ubiquitous in the circles I was in that it was as if it were in the Bible itself: don’t change anything in your first year of pastoral ministry. I heard this line everywhere, from ministry workshops, to classrooms, and in conversations with many seasoned clergy. While I appreciate the intention behind the advice, I took it too seriously early on in ministry and internalized it in a way that went beyond the desire to respect and listen to the congregation. Instead, it stunted my ability to step into my role as the spiritual and temporal leader of the congregation. I deferred to others too often in areas where I should have taken a more decisive position. I hid under the cover of the status quo.
During times where I have felt the sting of my own failure to lead well, I have been led to the blessings and promises found in Scripture that speak to the fact that, though hardships and challenging things will come and go, God is the unfailing sustainer we need.
If I were to send a message of blessing to myself five years ago, it would go like this: God has called you to this ministry of leadership, not to a ministry of cowardice. Take heart and trust that the God who called you will be the God who sustains you even when it’s hard. Remember God’s promises and that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut. 31:6).
4. Taking Things Personally
If my top blunder was that I overestimated myself, this one relates considerably. At the risk of generalizing, many pastors know what it’s like to think that every issue or expression of discontentment is her or his fault. Such pastors may know the unique discomfort of noticing that someone has even left the church, whether loudly or quietly. I remember the first time I realized someone had chosen to withdraw informally from active participation in the congregation during the COVID-19 pandemic. I spent far too much time privately wringing my hands over what I must have done wrong, searching myself for deficiencies personally and in the context of my practice of ministry. I wasted far too much time and energy stressing about how bad of a pastor I must have been. What I failed to realize, though, is the simple fact mentioned in blunder number one: it's not about me.
Out of this enormous blunder God has continued to bless me with the reminder that as a pastor, I’m called to be tender-hearted and thick-skinned. If I were writing a message of blessing to myself five years ago, I would say this: Don’t spend your time worrying about every single interaction, each negative comment, or the fact that someone doesn’t particularly care for you. Instead, love deeply, spread grace widely, and shake the dust off your feet when necessary (Matt. 10:14).
5. Being Afraid to Make Mistakes
When I learned I was being appointed to my current congregation as their pastor, I felt both excitement and a tinge of trepidation. I was being appointed to a congregation with which I was familiar and that had an active and respected ministry in the community. I thought about all of the wonderful experiences I would have with them by God’s grace.
But then I thought about my own limitations, and my anxiety got the best of me. I let some careless words spoken by some fellow clergy about how I should not have been appointed to the church due to my youth nearly immobilize me. I started to wonder if the district superintendent and bishop had been mistaken and that, perhaps, I should not have been appointed to the church due to what I perceived as a lack of experience. I began to fear failure almost immediately, thinking that if I made a mistake, that would be the end of the congregation, and my ministry would be over. Dramatic, I know, but those were the subtle thoughts that crept in and nestled into my thinking.
But, once more, this blunder has turned into a blessing. I remember after a time of prayer and frustration, God granted me a sense of peace. I felt God say to me something to the effect of, “Spencer, this church has been around since 1795. You are not powerful enough to mess it up too badly.” If I were sharing with myself five years ago, I would echo those words and add to them: Spencer, you will make mistakes. Rejoice in the fact that God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
Thanks Be to God in All Things
Pastoring may not always be the idyllic, comfortable vocation I once thought it was (perhaps my first blunder!), but it is itself a vessel of God’s grace in my life. Each recognition of my own failing or misguided thinking has pointed to the faithfulness of God: Father, Son, Holy Spirit. The Triune God brings forth life from death, joy from sorrow, and, yes, blessings from my blunders.
Thanks be to God in all things.
Spencer Shaw is the pastor of Hampden Highlands United Methodist Church in Hampden, ME.