On Spiritual Mothers and Fathers: A Legacy of Treasure in Heaven

During my upbringing in the mainline, we didn’t talk about spiritual mothers and fathers. It wasn’t until I became involved in the charismatic movement that I heard people speak this way. The language sounded strange to my ears at first, but I soon came to see the power of spiritual parenting. The church is a multigenerational family, and there are few spaces, at least in the Western world, for multigenerational relationships to thrive. In my life, such relationships came about through my extended family and the Boy Scouts, and, to a lesser extent, through the church. I am the beneficiary of the goodness of these adults who invested in my life. In retrospect, I see that took real commitment on their part. I was hard-headed and probably fairly unlikeable in my adolescence. I’m glad they didn’t give up on me.

Things have changed a great deal in the West since the heyday of cultural Christianity in the mid-twentieth century. The generation of “never trust anyone over thirty” is now in its 70s and 80s. That advice bore rotten fruit. Cultural memory, generational wisdom, familial identity, and shared values have been casualties of our infatuation with youth and novelty. Today we experience diminished social cohesion. Intergenerational relationships are rare. We see an ongoing mental health crisis among youth. The family unit is weaker today than in decades past. Social media creates superficial connections while we face an epidemic of loneliness. The church must speak to these matters, not just in word, but in deed. One way we can do this is through relationships of spiritual family among Christians. Those of us who have walked in the faith over years and have some gray hair on our heads must be willing to invest ourselves deeply in the lives of younger generations. 

In Paul’s first letter to Timothy, he refers to Timothy as “my loyal child (teknon) in the faith” (1:2). It is a term of parental affection: Paul is Timothy’s spiritual father. The letters of First and Second Timothy provide instruction from spiritual father to spiritual son regarding how to live faithfully as a leader within the body of Christ. Paul’s example provides some biblical principles we can draw upon as we go about the sacred task of spiritual parenting. 

Paul speaks to Timothy out of his own testimony. 

He makes no bones about his past, the depth of his sin, and the sheer grace by which he was chosen to serve as an apostle. He confesses his failings and celebrates his salvation through Christ: 

I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because he judged me faithful and appointed me to his service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a man of violence. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the foremost. But for that very reason I received mercy, so that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen (1 Tim 1:12-17). 

The last sentence is important: to God belong the honor and glory. By his example, Paul shows Timothy not to exalt in his own righteousness or accomplishments, but to rejoice in God’s mercy and love, which can transform even the chief of sinners into a zealous ambassador of the gospel. 

Spiritual fathers and mothers can be honest about where they’ve been and how they’ve gotten to a place of spiritual maturity. It’s not an easy road for any Christian. We wrestle with our demons. Marriages have ups and downs. Parenting tests us. Jobs come and go. At times we look back on ourselves and do not recognize the person we see. If we are discerning, however, we can also perceive God’s work in our lives across the seasons. We can see how he has shaped us and answered our prayers. We may remember periods of divine silence when our faith was tested. We remember temptations, times when we succumbed and times when we were delivered. To share honest testimony with spiritual sons and daughters can help them develop a healthier perspective on their Christian lives. They will realize their mistakes are not unique, that they are not the chief among sinners, and that, when they sin, redemption is possible. 

Paul’s instruction is for the benefit of both Timothy and the church. 

When Timothy was baptized, he was brought into the body of Christ. He had thus adopted a new set of values and standards of behavior. It was the responsibility of those more mature in the faith to walk alongside him as he learned how to live the Christian life. In some ways, learning to live as a Christian is like an apprenticeship. We learn from those who have gone before us who have developed godly wisdom. Thus Paul writes, “I am giving you these instructions, Timothy, my child, in accordance with the prophecies made earlier about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, having faith and a good conscience” (1 Tim 1:18-19a). He further explains, “I am writing these instructions to you so that, if I am delayed, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth” (3:14-15). 

Paul identifies two reasons for writing to Timothy. First, he wants to equip Timothy to be an effective Christian leader, to “fight the good fight” with both faith and a good conscience. To lead in the church is not easy. It takes wisdom, faithfulness, fortitude, and discernment, among other qualities. Yet these kinds of qualities tend to come with experience and maturity. Yes, some people exhibit them at a young age, but even they will grow in character as they walk in faith over time. To identify talent among young leaders and place them in positions of significance is not enough. In fact, apart from proper guidance and support, it can be dangerous. Talented people lacking maturity can do a great deal of damage. They need fathers and mothers in the faith to walk alongside them.

Second, Paul wants Timothy to understand how he and others are to live out the faith in community. Thus he offers teachings about various items, from right doctrine to the household to offices in the church. Paul wants harmony in the churches. He wants Christians to live in concord with one another. Bad actors, however, can destroy harmony with little effort. Thus Paul builds up the body of Christ by training his spiritual son—who is to become one of its chief leaders—to live with integrity within it. “If you put these instructions before the brothers and sisters,” he writes, “you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound teaching that you have followed” (1 Tim 4:6). Likewise, as we provide guidance for spiritual sons and daughters, we contribute to the wellbeing of the church. 

Paul is motivated by love. 

A spiritual father or mother is not taking on a mentee or assistant, but a son or daughter in faith. The motivation for this kind of relationship is not simply to achieve a desired end, such as the formation of sound leaders for the church, but love of the other. By love, I mean (following Thomas Aquinas), to will the good of the other. It involves a desire to see the flourishing of another person, and a desire that he or she will help others flourish within the body of Christ. As Paul begins his second letter to Timothy, he writes, 

Recalling your tears, I long to see you so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, lives in you. For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline” (2 Tim 1:4-7). 

There is a bond of affection between Paul and Timothy, and it is because of that bond that Paul provides guidance for Timothy as the latter grows up in the faith. He urges Timothy to stir up once again the work of the Holy Spirit in his life, the Spirit who will deliver him from fear and instill within him the character of a Christian. His genuine desire is to see Timothy’s flourishing in the call of God upon his life. 

That relationship of love, if it is Christian love, is one of respect and integrity. It is not constituted by power, but by self-giving. We have seen too many examples of people in positions of spiritual leadership taking advantage of those for whom they purported to care. Relationships of trust are fragile things. We must tend to them with caution and self-examination. Many have left the faith because those whom they trusted as Christian leaders turned out to have self-serving motivations. Once the betrayal comes to light, a young man or woman who was on the road to a life of Christian service may leave that road entirely and never come back. We who represent Christ are his ambassadors, and how we represent him speaks to the authenticity of the faith we proclaim. 

Through the church, God has given us two books of the Bible that model spiritual parenting. If we today abdicate this responsibility, it is to the detriment of the body of Christ. Older saints must face the gravity of this responsibility and the significance of their presence in the church. You don’t age out of your life of discipleship. You age into new iterations of it. Those who have walked with Christ across years and through hills and valleys should be willing now to walk alongside those who are newer to the faith, to support them and point the way to a life of flourishing in Christ. Such work is not a burden, but a joy. It is work that bears witness to the familial nature of the church and through which Christ is glorified. In accepting this role, you may change the lives of people you will never meet. Yes, it will require time and energy. The reward, however, will last across generations, even into eternity. It is a legacy of “treasure in heaven” (Matt 6:20).

David F. Watson is Lead Editor of Firebrand. He serves as Academic Dean and Professor of New Testament at United Theological Seminary in Dayton, Ohio.