Remaining: Why I Stay in the Church
Photo by Yoal Desurmont on Unsplash
While the church I served moved through the process to disaffiliate from the United Methodist Church, I had a dream. In the dream, I sat with Perpetua, Justin Martyr, and Ignatius of Antioch, three great martyrs of the faith. After each told his or her story, Ignatius turned to me and asked, “Brother, how did you suffer for the Gospel of Jesus Christ?” I sheepishly replied, “People are saying nasty things about me on the internet.”
Rev. Alexander Lang recently authored a blog post entitled, “Departure: Why I Left the Church.” I do not recall who initially shared the post on Facebook, but before long, my Facebook and X (formerly Twitter) feeds were full of pastors sharing and mostly agreeing with the post. I can conclude that many of my clergy brothers and sisters relate to Rev. Lang. They do not feel the rewards of ministry match the costs. I do not know Rev. Lang. I am not able to respond to his experience. I empathize with him. I have faced similar challenges to those he describes. The last several years have been especially tough on pastors. Many of us are receiving treatment for depression and burnout. I am not immune to the pressures Rev. Lang faced and I do not criticize his choice. Rather, I choose to respond to the expectations I experience as a pastor who has worked with people entering ministry in the last nine years. The responses to Rev. Lang’s post reflect a huge disconnect between our expectations of ministry and our calling of ministry.
The Calling of Clergy
Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 16:24-25, “’If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it’” (NRSV). In Luke 14:27-28, Jesus tells the crowds, “Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it?” There are many other examples of Jesus emphasizing that following him comes at a cost. The cost is not a surprise sprung upon unexpecting Christians; we are urged to consider the cost before following Jesus. Paul warns Timothy, “Indeed, all who want to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Tim 3:12). The Christian life is one of sacrifice and self-denial. Why do we clergy respond to criticism, hardship, and pain in our work with astonishment? Why do we expect our lives as pastors will be different?
The Global Methodist Church describes the role of clergy as follows: “Clergy are those who have been called out from among God’s people for particular service to His church” ( Transitional Book of Doctrines & Discipline, ¶ 403). Notice the word “service.” The calling of clergy to service harkens back to the story in which James and John’s mother approaches Jesus and requests her sons be given places of honor in the Kingdom of God. Jesus tells the disciples, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. It will not be so among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mat 20:25-28). Jesus instructs his disciples that as leaders, they must serve others. The model for such service is Jesus himself, who washed the feet of his disciples and was faithful to the point of death on a cross.
Church history offers a stark reminder of the calling of clergy. Ignatius of Antioch began his letter to the Roman church pleading the church would not interfere with his martyrdom. Ignatius feared that out of love, the church would save him from his death for the sake of the gospel. Hippolytus of Rome’s early prayers for the ordination of bishops include instructions that bishops minister “night and day” and “unceasingly.” John Wesley’s historic questions for ordination candidates ask if those candidates are prepared to “ employ all your time in the work of God.” Clergy are called to difficult lives of service to the church. Have we counted the cost before following the call?
Clergy Expectations
The expectations we hold as pastors often reflect our secular culture more than they reflect the scripture of calling. Rev. Lang asks the question, “Is leading the church really worth the investment if this is what I’m going to get in return?” A few paragraphs later, Rev. Lang states the average salary of a pastor is his denomination is $55,000, “which is barely enough to live on and not nearly enough to pay back your student loans.” We could squabble over whether $55,000 is a fair salary. Instead, ponder this: are these the questions of a servant?
Rev. Lang’s questions would not be out of place in a secular job. He rightly would question if his investment provided sufficient return. He should consider whether the financial rumination is fair given his education and sacrifice. From a secular perspective, the immediate benefits should exceed the costs. Certainly, this is not always true in ministry. The work of ministry defies the American Dream.
For eight years, I served on the District Committee of Ordained Ministry in the United Methodist Church. I was the chair for four of those years. I also served on my conference’s Board of Ministry, and currently serve on the Board of Ministry in my conference in the Global Methodist Church. I speak to countless pastors beginning their journey into ministry. In our systems, these pastors often start at small, part-time churches, many of which experience significant dysfunction. These young pastors often tell me, “I just want to serve a big church with no problems.” I reply, “A church with no problems would not need us as a pastor.” I have yet to discover a church without problems. If such a church existed, what could we even offer as clergy?
Further complicating these expectations is the obsession with church growth as a surrogate for clergy faithfulness. Rev. Lang identifies the ability to grow the church as a required skill of pastors. He also identifies an expectation that new people would come who identified with his “style” of ministry. These statements frame ministry from a productivity standpoint; pastors can expect church growth from their hard work. Rev. Lang exacerbates this pressure by referring to his job as having “1,000 bosses.” If our goal is to grow the church with consumers of our religious product, we absolutely must listen to our “1,000 bosses.” If the goal is faithful ministry to Jesus Christ, then we see our congregations not as bosses that need to be pleased, but as fellow children of God who rely on our faithful service.
The above examples demonstrate clergy expectations for ideal returns on investment, competitive salaries, promotions to “easier” roles, and immediate success in return for faithfulness. Compare this to Jesus’ challenge to his disciples to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him. Somewhere, clergy have traded their holy calling for the expectation of secular rewards.
I confess that I myself, when facing a season of sacrificing something to God, often expect God to reward this sacrifice with a season of relative ease. I know theologically that this is not the call to ministry. Yet I cannot help myself. Instead, God often responds to my sacrifice by showing me several other places I need to sacrifice to serve God more faithfully. God’s desire is not to reward me with an easy life; God’s desire is for me to give up all that separates me from God.
Calling and Discipline
Rev. Lang, in his introductory paragraph, expresses that he no longer has the “desire” to serve as pastor. This struck me as odd. What does desire have to do with it?
Scripture overflows with people whose desire and calling conflict. Part of the call narrative in the Bible is an objection to the calling. Jonah did not desire to go to Nineveh. Elijah desired death rather than continued service. Paul desired the thorn in the side to be removed. Yet Jonah went to Nineveh, Elijah served again, and Paul remembered that when he was weakest, God was strongest.
We do not desire to serve in ministry. God calls us into ministry. The ordination processes in the United Methodist and Global Methodist Churches are designed to eliminate those who desire the power or rewards and advance those who are truly called to serve. This is not a matter of desire, but of calling.
Inevitably, the difficulty of serving will weigh on a pastor. Ministry is tough work. That is why the clergy call is dependent on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit empowers us to continue in ministry when our desire runs out. We open ourselves to the Spirit through the disciplines of faith. We require regular attendance to our own spiritual health through spiritual disciplines such as worship (we do not lead), study of scripture (not for our sermons), prayer (not in worship), fasting, and accountability. These practices are the means of grace that enable us to serve. If we rely on our desire, we will quickly lose heart. Desire is fickle and sometimes even sinful. Ministry must always be a calling from God led through the Holy Spirit.
I worked in financial services before I chose to join vocational ministry. In financial services, I earned more compensation, secured more promotions, kept separation from my clients, and earned many of the benefits Rev. Lang desires. Yet I left that to enter ministry. The Holy Spirit called me, and I could not find peace elsewhere. While following the Holy Spirit is my primary motivation, ministry includes amazing joys as well. I cannot describe the joy of baptizing a couple’s first child after counselling them through their struggles with infertility. In a few weeks, I will participate in the baptism of a man I met randomly on vacation, who is discovering the Christian faith for the first time. Last week, my church (relatively small by Rev. Lang’s standards) needed to add extra pews to our children’s message time to handle all the young families that started coming regularly after our disaffiliation. These are beautiful moments that remind me that God is still working even in the midst of difficult seasons.
The Great Resignation and Great Expectations
Lang cites a Barna study that connects increasing resignation rates among clergy to the larger “Great Resignation” happening around the United States. Many see this resignation of pastors as a sign of a failing church. I am not certain that is entirely correct.
Some clergy are called for specific times and places. When that time concludes, those clergy become laity again. Some clergy misinterpret a call. Some clergy lose faith and fall away. There will always be turnover as clergy. Not all of us are called to a lifelong vocation of ordained ministry. This is a set-apart calling.
I do not know Rev. Lang. My heart breaks for him as I read his post. I experience many of the difficulties he shares. Many clergy now face struggles with burnout and frustration. I assent that Rev. Lang’s post portrays the emotion of this difficult season, and therefore my criticisms may not reflect his true character or calling. I do not write this to speak to Rev. Lang.
Instead, I speak to those of us who continue in ministry. What do we expect? Do we expect the temporary and secular rewards of faithful service? Then we will eventually leave as well. Instead, I invite us to take up our cross daily and faithfully serve as the Spirit calls.
Ministry can be tough. Churches can be downright abusive to pastors. The stress of pastoring can lead to depression, burnout, and more serious consequences. I have lost many pastoral colleagues to burnout, mental health struggles, and moral failings. I have battled depression, frustrations, and a lack of desire. Ministry is difficult. If it were easy, God would have no purpose to call us. Yet ministry can also be beautiful. The beauty does not always equal the difficulty. It often does not directly result from our hard work and sacrifice. That reminds us that the beautiful parts of ministry are not deserved rewards for our sacrifice, but a graceful blessing from God.
We do not serve because the benefits outweigh the costs. We serve because we are called. To paraphrase Paul, the rewards in the Kingdom to come are not worth comparing to the difficulties today. Some have joked that ministry has the best retirement plan possible. We do not always experience that reward on this side of eternity. The reward of our calling in this life is faithfulness itself. What more should we expect?
Jonathan Hanover is an ordained elder in the Global Methodist Church.